For the disembodied spirit in your life.

This is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen in a while.

First of all, it’s based off an old saying that’s already incredibly trite (sorry for *SPOILERS* but the job they’re interviewing for is a mother, and at the end they reveal that the salary for this job is 0 DOLLARS!!!) Not a “parent,” mind you, but a mother, because I guess stay-at-home dads are still reserved for spillng juice and then shrugging when momma comes home in a Bounty commercial.

But that’s only one small problem. They’re trying to quantify how much a child is worth, and at that, they go with $0. I think the value usually attributed to children is priceless. (Or at least I’ve been told that.)

Thirdly, this is a prime example of the sort of heart-string puppetry that advertising has resorted to, now that people are more aware than ever of its evils. They create this sort of faux-sentimental garbage because they want us to think that they’re bringing attention to issues, more than they’re saying “buy our shit.” Which is even worse when they’re acting like “parents have an incredibly tough job” is something that we all don’t acknowledge. Sure, we never talk about it, but that’s because it’s basically globally agreed upon. But here, they try to milk our emotions, and then, while we’re teary-eyed, with our guard down, stitch those feelings to a URL. I can’t watch this without, seeing the woman tearing up at the end, imagining the art director at the ad agency watching her cry and seeing shares in every tear as he masturbates in his Herman Miller chair.

If there’s anything worth gleaming from this tripe, it’s that the economy is bad enough that 24 people actually responded to a job posting with requirements this obviously insane.

That said, what I have to say now, (exactly as they designed it,) is that I’m not trying to attack mothers (and fathers) and I clearly love mine. I just don’t need an online greeting card store to tell me how much I should.

big shrimpin

big shrimpin

i didn’t kill my wife

i didn’t kill my wife


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